LEARNING FROM A BREAK UP

Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life. There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship. What was the cause of your breakup?If you cheated on your mate, then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy.

You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest. If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to be unfaithful. If anyone has ever cheated on you, you know how painful it feels.

Rather than dwelling on your indiscretion, forgive yourself, and move forward with the conviction that you will not do it again.If your mate was cheating on you, and that was the cause of your breakup, there’s still an opportunity for personal growth. Understandably, you feel very hurt and betrayed. However, this is your chance to be strong and independent. You can get through this, and when you do, you will feel incredibly empowered and proud of yourself for your strength.

Breaking up with your unfaithful significant other was the right move; you stood up for yourself, and you made it clear that you were not someone who is to be taken advantage of.If your relationship ended because you wanted to take your relationship to the next level, and your mate did not want to get too serious, then you will learn to pair yourself up with a person who has similar goals for the future.

Get in a relationship with someone who is looking to settle down, if that is what you are looking to do. If you were the one who did not want to get too serious, then you should be looking for someone who is also looking for a casual relationship. Leading people on is not right, and it can only lead to hurt feelings. Be honest with yourself and with the people that you date in the future.

Perhaps your mate broke up with you because you could not control your anger. You yelled too much, and you were constantly putting your significant other down. If you were not treating your mate right, then they were right to leave. You have to learn to control yourself and to express your feelings in a healthier way. This is your opportunity to change your poor behavior so that your future relationships will not suffer in the same way. You’re not a bad person; you just made some bad choices.

If you have severe anger management problems, you should seek professional help.If you’re on the other end of the abusive relationship, then you have to learn not to allow yourself to be taken advantage of and used as a human punching bag. You deserve to be treated with care and respect, and you should accept nothing less in your future relationships. Do not compromise your happiness for someone who is not treating you properly.

If you have low self esteem, you have to work on feeling better about yourself before you will be ready to share your life with another person again.If the relationship ended because you simply did not feel that it had a future, then you have to ask yourself why it is that you did not see a future between the two of you. Do you have unrealistic expectations? Or is it simply that the two of you do not want the same things out of life, or that you have grown apart over the course of your relationship? If you have established a pattern off breaking off relationships when they become too serious, then you need to determine whether not that is just a fear of commitment on your half.

On the other hand, if you truly believe that your ex’s goals were too different from your own for your relationship’s future to thrive, then you should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. If there is no future, then you should not be wasting your time, and breaking up with your mate will give you the opportunity to seek out someone whose goals are similar to your own. It is natural to feel sadness and loss after you break up with someone that you have had a romantic relationship with, but in order to get over it, you have to look for the silver lining.

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WHAT IS LOVE

It's an old cliche, but love really does sneak up when you're least expecting it. Having said that, we seem to spend most our waking lives searching for the damn thing. It's something we obviously need, but it's not a matter of life and death so, take it easy, have fun, and see what happens. When you do stumble across love, here are a few tips on how to cope with that precious little four-letter word.

When you know you've been bitten.

A classic symptom is not being able to concentrate on your work. There isn't a lot you can do about this. Just ride with it and hope that the boss has been there too and is will be a little sympathetic towards your love-struck state.

You'll feel compelled to twist every conversation you have around to your
new love interest. I know it's tempting, but it will drive your mates mad, so try to refrain, at least a little bit.

Corny love songs you've previously found repulsive will suddenly draw you in and you'll want to listen to them all the time. Again, think abut the poor people around you. Be considerate.
Don't forget your friends. It's tempting to hibernate in your bedroom for six months with your new partner, but people will worry if they don't hear from you for weeks on end. Hang onto your mates. You'll need them if it all turns pair shaped. Speaking of which...

How to cope if it falls apart.
Music is the ultimate healer, so go out and buy some 'break-up' music and wallow in a little bit of self-pity. But don't do it for too long. You've got to get back out there.
Eat chocolate. It's the ultimate comfort food. Indulge yourself.
Call up those mates that you wisely kept in touch with. Go out and get drunk pour your heart out to them. Again, don't do this for too long. We don't want you ending up in rehab.

How'd you pull your last partner? If you did it once, you can do it again. Get out there and start pulling!

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DATE TO MAKE FRIENDS

Dating is one of the best friend finders there is. I read recently some advice from an elder statesman who said that we should all try and make one new friend every five years. What excellent advice. When we are very young we collect friends like sweets. As we get older we lose some along the way kind of like natural wastage. We fall out and we fall in, we change and adapt and we end up with a core group of our best friends, usually quite small but reliable and close.

I think it’s fair to say that most of us will never have more than a handful of extremely close friends as we grow older simply because it’s not possible to have very close relationships with so many people. Best friends require maintenance.Where dating comes into its own is in its simplest form - introducing us to new people. We meet people on a one-to-one basis to chat and discuss and basically find out if we get on well enough to become friends.

Dating often misses out on this aspect, the fact that to become lovers we should become friends too. It's not just about if we are attracted to their hair, face, breasts, legs etc. It's about how we get on, what we have in common, if we share the same belief systems, skills, laughs, humor, outlook, background and passions. If we do then this may well be the very basis for a great relationship.If that certain X factor is missing, we often discount the whole date as if to say well they weren't good enough to date so I will discount them completely.

What we are missing here is the fact that in every other way we got on. We made a new friend. Then people will say, yes but I am not looking for another friend. Well let me tell you my friend, we can all do with extra friends. Yes, okay, our closest friends are often our longest friends who we have shared everything with, but there may have been a time when we didn't know them either so who is to say. My point is that nice people are hard to find so let us not just discount people because they fell at the first hurdle.I am not suggesting that we gather every failed date as out next new closest buddy.

I am suggesting that amongst all the singles you do date, there will be one of two people who may not be your ideal match, but who could be your ideal friend. So try and keep an open mind. Maybe you can suggest that although you don't feel you would make it as a couple you would like to stay in touch and then actually do get in touch to do something. Make sure you have defined this as a fact and are clear though and don't string someone along and have them thinking there is some romance in the air.We must try and remember that one of the best facets of any perfect match is friendship.

People often say that they would like to marry their best friend. In other words, your partner should also be your best friend. What we mean but that is that the concept of "best friend" means the person we can rely on, trust in full measure, turn to when in need and talk to about everything in the world. It is a beautiful notion and one that should be kept in mind.Really, dating is all about making friends and then loving them even more than that. It is about forming close bonds in a fairly short space of time and then building upon them. This is why a purely sex or physical relationship doesn't often hold much long terms hope.

It is surprising how many good friends also become lovers too. I have read some good true stories about people who had been best friends and went on to get married.I think these days that dating has become such a clinical and organized subject that the basic elements are in danger of being lost. To love someone you have to trust them. To trust them you need to open your heart to them very early on and take the risk included.

Opening your heart means a willingness to trust. It is a willingness to make that person your friend. Trust and friendship are the building blocks of every proper relationship and therefore there are no quick paths to eternal happiness. Date and find a friend. Make friends and then fall in love.

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Married And Flirting For Harmless Fun Is Ok

Flirting is often seen as light hearted fun and is often done to attract attention and for other people to take notice and be attracted to the opposite sex and maybe go out on a date. Women may flirt with a man to have a good time and flirting may require some amount of sexual innuendo and suggestive body language. However, married and flirting is a different ball game altogether and can be viewed differently. It should be harmless and be a result of only finding the opposite sex attractive and being appreciative of the same.

Different Views, Many InstancesThere are different points of view regarding married and flirting and in the case of women, they may want to dress provocatively to display their feminine wiles and it does not seem to make any difference to them that they are married. It may, in some cases, even lead to the marriage becoming stronger. Take for instance, a man flirting with the wife of another man and she flirts back.

This may make her appear more attractive to her husband and make him realize that she should not be taken for granted and that the husband needs to pull up his socks and make her attractive to him again or risk losing her to someone else. The extra attention her husband pays to her should make her more appreciative of him, all over again.There are also married people who cannot help but flirt and in such instances married and flirting may seem rather harmless.

There may also be some occasions when a spouse flirts with somebody close and familiar to them such as a close friend or second cousin and it may be seen as nothing more than jesting and thus be quite harmless. Or a drink too many could loosen up the lascivious juices and the spouse may indulge in some extravagant flirting which would be shrugged off as a passing event, of no great consequence.

Nevertheless, married and flirting can be considered wrong were it to be carried on without the consent of the other better half. But, if such flirting was purely for fun then there is no reason to worry for the other spouse. Married and flirting beyond reasonable boundaries of restraint which goes beyond casual and harmless flirtation is certainly reprehensible and, when sexual undertones begin to appear, it may be hard to stop the consequences and it may lead to overstepping the limits of decent behavior.

Flirting can be spontaneous and occurs as a natural response to an appealing personality and married and flirting would do nobody any harm. But, going out of one’s way to flirt needs closer examination of the motivation and it may get out of hand as is possible with the endless opportunities presented over the Internet. Chat rooms are a breeding ground for flirtatious behavior and married and flirting in such environments can often lead to break up of marriages.

Prime examples of married and flirting are Yahoo’s married and flirting as well as Microsoft’s Married but Flirting. Bored partners may seek variety and fun or there may be other reasons for a married person to seek virtual flirtation to find some relief from their marital problems. Virtual infidelity that does not have any physical contact may nevertheless awaken dormant libido and lead to further meetings and even end up in the divorce courts. All in all, married and flirting could be fun it were to remain within acceptable limits and not harm the better half’s feelings.

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Office Romance Has Its Fair Share Of Pitfalls

It is quite commonplace these days to have an office romance and it could culminate in either marriage or in a lawsuit. The office is a place where people spend a lot of time with each other and if the situations are handled well can lead to a relationship and if done the wrong way, can end up in the courtrooms of law.

It should not come as any big surprise that office romance springs up since people spend a third of their time at the office or place of work and being a non-threatening environment there is plenty of opportunity to meet dating partners. However, the romantic involvement between employees is fraught with danger for both the employee as well as for the employer.

Several companies have contemplated banning dating among employees but such plans have never come to fruition mainly due to legal constraints and also because many believe it to be an inevitable occurrence anyway. The only restrictions that a company may impose on their employees are that office romances should not impinge on the business or integrity of the company.

Companies Need Rules Regulating Relationships
Allowing an office romance to take place requires a company policy that clarifies aspects such as harassment and what should be done if an employee is uninterested or unresponsive to advances from a fellow employee. Horsing around as well as verbal jousts can be interpreted as signs of dating requests and the harassment policy should be clear about how an employee may be protected in case he or she is not interested.

If employees enter into a mutually agreeable office romance there should not be any danger posed to the interests of the company. However, it often happens that inappropriate and harmful relationships may develop when a manager becomes romantically involved with a subordinate within the organization and the company policy should restrict such relationships along with corrective measures should one be discovered.

There are a few reasons why office romance would not be a suitable course of action and these include not always having a happy ending, which could lead to personal issues bleeding over to the work function. They also require more energy and it may not stay private for too long as well as the possibility of being harassed. So, before entering into an office romance, it may be better to check out other alternatives like meeting non-work related friends to judge whether the office romance is real or not as the results may surprise you.

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Singles Chat Up Lines - The Dating Approach

The phrase "dating approach" means walking up to some single you have never met or don't presume to know and then speaking to them to introduce yourself romantically. In other words - chat-up lines. The opening words you may utter will speak volumes and volumes and volumes. In less than 10 seconds you will either have set yourself up for life with true love, have a definite date, or be going home single- again.

Yes it that simple, or it can be. Psychologists tell us that people make their mind up within seconds and I think most of us who are truthful will agree that we know pretty much instantly if we are attracted to a singles.If that is the case why is speaking important at all? Well, although we may like the look of certain singles, these looks are confirmed and heavily underlined by their approach to us, their words, their voice and even their accent.

Therefore, by initiating communication we form judgements very quickly. Confidence most certainly plays a part. The more confidence you have in your dating approach, the more likely your chat up lines, whatever you say, maybe have some effect. However, let us be honest. Making an initial approach can be nerve wracking and spine tingling for many. Dry mouth, palpitations, a sudden stutter from nowhere, a blank mind, no idea what to say. Yes its all part of the dating game, but it is also all part of the problem.

Many of us will have hear the theory that many attractive single men and single women are single and never approach because the assumption is that they are so attractive they must be attached. In which case no other singles talk to them! This in some cases is true but more often that not, whatever our level of looks, we like chatting to new people and it is more likely that most of us lack confidence or simply the verbal dexterity off the cuff to simply talk entertainingly to strangers. Yes, that is right we believe we should entertain when we begin our opening chat up line.

It is often said that single women are attracted to single men who are witty and amusing. How often in personal ads or online dating sites do we see the request "must have a good sense of humor". A good comedic talent will always assist in the chat up line. However most single women in a small survey I undertook agree that the regular dating approach by a single man works far better than trying to be this years entertainer. It is not what you say, but how you deliver it that really matters and even more amazingly, for many, chat up lines do work.

For some single people chat up lines are very stressful, like public speaking. Singles come across as aggressive and foolish simply because their anxiety levels are sky high. Under such stress, singles simply clam up or are unable to communicate as they can for 99% of the rest of the time. This is where practice and confidence levels can help. The more people you chat up and the more sociable you become, the better you will be. However a word of warning - do not mix chat up lines and lots of alcohol!Rude and crude chat up lines do not work and never will but a simple request to buy a drink for someone will get a response in 5 out of ten people.

This is probably because singles prefer the direct and open handed approach. To break the ice, one clearly needs to use the tried and tested methods and not seek the realm of leading edge comedy. Single Women use chat up lines as much as single men you may be surprised to hear and thinking back, I agree.

A single woman's approach may be direct and honest but a chat up line is a chat up line. I think we can agree though, that should a single woman decide to use a carefully selected chat up line, she is likely to have more success than a single man in a similar situation.To this end it may be useful looking at the good and bad chat up lines below to give you some ideas. You may think they are all bad, but at least some are amusing.

The Best Chat Up Lines
Can I buy you a drink?
I have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven ?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again

The Worst Chat Up Lines
Get your coat, you've pulled
How do you like your eggs? Fertilized?
Do you sleep on your front?
Do you mind if I do.Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Its just that I can see myself in your pants!
Are your legs hurting because you have been running through my mind all night

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ARE YOU TOO AVAILABLE?

Here is a truth, most single people are too available. Far too available when dating. Think about the things you aspire to, good clothes, expensive Italian car perhaps, Tiffany jewelry, Rolex watches, a 100 foot yacht. Whatever. The fact is the things we most want or desire in life are often the least accessible. Things are seen to be worthwhile because they are rare. Rarity is the key ingredient here. The less we can get hold of something, the more we want it after the initial need or feeling of desire is created.

The unobtainable is oh so sweet, from the catwalk supermodel to Brad Pitt, we can dream but we cannot have. And that, my single friends is the point of this article. When you date stop being so available, stop being at the end of a phone, stop being available 24 hours a day and start being elusive. Why? For the reasons I have just said. Create the need and then remove it and the desire factors go through the roof.

The problem with following this brief piece of advice is that it is extremely difficult for mere single mortals to do. When we meet singles we really like we stop playing games, we want to be with them, we want to see them 24 hours a day, our waking hours are devoted to our next date. The problem is, our date may not see things the same way and soon boredom can set in. Worse, by being too available we cheapen our own attractiveness, we become far less rare, far more common and sadly far less desirable.

So what we need to do is train our single selves to be enigmatic and elusive and stop being so available. A single friend of mine worked in a bar in Manchester and was always attracting single girls but he never appeared to get anywhere after the first couple of dates. He is a lovely single guy and probably one of the most reliable single men I have ever met. He wanted to know why single women seemed to lose interest in him and stopped calling for dates so we performed an experiment.

He was asked not to call the single women he dated, maybe once but after that let the women chase. They would leave messages, he didn't reply, if he did it was a while later. So they would pop into the bar to see him but he never offered to make new arrangements first. He maintained their interest levels and very soon he discovered that the single girls were now chasing him! The point here was that he had become elusive, he had an air of mystery now, was someone the single girls wanted to get to know.

He was a challenge. It has happened to me on numerous occasions that I have let myself become too available. I had to learn the hard way. I met a beautiful single girl whilst working in London and it appeared to be perfect from the moment we met, so much so that I threw my dating rules out of the window and we spent almost two full weeks together. Then all of a sudden it stopped. And she wanted to call things off.

The fact was that I had become too available for her, I was there whenever she wanted, I had altered my routine too soon, too quickly and too much for things to work out. Of course I was available for all the right reasons but it had completely the wrong effect. I lost the single girl. So when you meet someone you like, by all means get started down the dating path but ensure that you keep to your regular schedule and don't be available every day.

If you are free both days of the weekend, one is for you, one is for your date. If you are free Tuesday and Thursday for dinner, let them know which is better for you. If they suggest Tuesday, you suggest Thursday. Don't call so frequently (which is extremely hard to do) and don't always answer your phone (yes really) and make sure that you can bring plenty of separate activity information back to your date when you do meet up. For all the crazy forced separation, the dates you will have will be all the more spectacular.

For many of you reading this you will think I am crazy or have misgivings about trying to do this and I bet that many of you won't listen when you meet the single person you are crazy about. The fact is, the less available you are to a degree, the more likely you will succeed in getting your Mr. Right or Miss.Right. Create the demand, become the diamond and then become as difficult top jewelers to get into, but sustain the desire factor - that's the way it works.

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SHOPPING FOR ONE - The Single Sachet Generation

In a moment of revelation, the writer of the movie Fight Club encapsulated our entire modern psyche with the single phrase "single-sachet generation". In using that phrase whilst Edward Norton sits next to Brad Pitt on a plane - he tied up all the lose ends of who we are at the present time. We are a society of lonely single people.

We often work alone on our offices or at our workstations. We chat via email and text messages than by phone or face-to-face. We eat single portions of everything as we work or travel, perfectly weighed and measured and wrapped for us in advance and all because we have stopped knowing how to socialize with each other. Personal communication has gone out of the window and has been replaced by anonymity.

For single people single shopping has to be one of the most soul-destroying tasks we perform. Everything these days is packaged to remind us how alone and solitary life can be. A table for one madam? First of all, what is the point of shopping at all just for ourselves when we could just grab stuff from the local store every time we feel hungry. Our refrigerators are half empty or have food going to waste, we become lazy with cooking, our diet suffers, we gain weight from convenience food and we don't really find any enjoyment from shopping alone.

Going to the supermarket as a single person is daunting. Most food is packaged in too large a portion so we have to freeze things or throw the leftovers away. Many packets will last me a lifetime. What am I going to do with a three kilo bag of rice. It will take me months or years to get through that. I want ONE potato, not a bag. I want one Onion not a bag.Okay so what happens next, the supermarket chains invent food-for-one. The issue with this is that it is convenient, true, but it is over priced and for a man it is never enough.

It may be appealing to have chicken Tikka Masala for one in 10 minutes in the microwave in front of the 7pm news bulletin but hey, its soulless. Even worse, you know that as soon as you pick up boxes of single food everyone in the supermarket knows you are SINGLE. They may as well have a tannoy announcement. "The woman in the blue skirt in aisle three with the pasta-for-one has recently separated".

We hate it don't we.Okay so you load your basket with meals for one and are heading for the checkout with three hundred people aware of your domestic situation when you discover to your horror that you have an admirer by the carrots. No it is not the shelf stacker or cleaner, it is another single person who has come to pounce on you because ITS SINGLES NIGHT!!! Who on earth invented that! Run as fast as you can!Now I know that single people may meet over the mixed vegetables every evening but not in my lifetime.

I do not want to tell my grandkids that I met THE ONE over a tin of soup and a six pack of tuna steaks. I want some romance in my life.I remember one incident in a supermarket where I had spotted some delicious Blueberry Jam and had added wisely it to my basket. For the next few minutes I was aware that I was being watched and feeling like I was being thought of as a shop thief I headed straight for the checkout. The man followed me and as I paid for my goods, he quizzed me at great length about how much I liked Blueberry Jam.

I was completely bemused and made my excuses and left. A few weeks later I read an article where on singles nights in supermarkets different items can display different things about you and currently Blueberry jam was being used by gay men in that city to demonstrate their sexual proclivities. Now I have to say that things had gone far enough! I may be single but please let me buy preserves in peace!

Okay so you load up your basket of single-sachets and you head for the checkout where you have then got to negotiate both loading and unloading simultaneously. So you load the conveyor belt as fast as you can and meantime the over zealous assistant is piling your goods through to the other end faster than you can unload your basket. She is finished before you and is twiddling her thumbs and looking deliberately bored as you need to rush through and repack all your groceries into bags as fast as lightening because the couples standing in the queue behind are sighing due to your slowness and ineptitude.

Sounds familiar?Yes shopping is a pastime for two. Shopping for one also takes ages. It takes you ages to pack your bags, carry them all to the car, load them into the trunk and then unloading at home is a complete nightmare. Since when can you pick up 9 bags at once and get them into the house safely whilst worrying about your car door left open? And finally when you have everything home, you cheer yourself up by eating all the best stuff first and then having to make do with sensible meals for one for the rest of the week.

The only trouble is that you have put on weight too and are liable to stay single longer. Being single means there is no eating-conscience telling you you are not having that 1000 calorie donut-fest. Couples eat more healthily in general so it appears. Meals are prepared together with thought and there is some aspect to social coupling in preparing in the kitchen. You are not going to be able to repeat the refrigerator scene from 9 and a half weeks so food is not sexy when you are single. Don't you hate the smug cookery TV shows that demonstrate what you could cook if you weren't single?

Ha ha, I am kidding. I know food is a great demonstration in creativity and I find it very enjoyable and I love those shows. Buy I wanted to use this opportunity of stating how damn awful it is to be single and face being reminded of the fact every time I go to the store.The fact that the supermarket industry has started to cater for single people is a warning if anything because it means that their investigations reveal that the singles market is ever expanding. Large food manufacturers don't go for short-term fads.

When 30% of adults are single the food industry sits up and takes note. So although there are lots of suitable nicely packaged meals for one for us to consume do we really want reminding of the fact. I for one resent paying extra because I am alone and displaying the fact in my basket.And don't get me started on dining alone. We will be here all day ha ha.

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TALKING ABOUT COMMITMENT

No one can deny that romantic relationships are complex, but most of the time we (particularly men) try not to analyze and dissect them. Open communication sounds great on paper, but in practice we tend not to encourage too many serious discussions with our romantic partners. Dating is supposed to be about the dinners and the dancing and the lighthearted moments, not necessarily awkward conversations about commitments, goals and lifetime plans.

But at some point in a promising relationship, both partners must delineate where they see their relationship heading and what they are willing to do in order to get it there.Conversations about commitment should be taken seriously, but they don't have to be deadly serious. The trick is to have the conversation when it feels like a natural progression of the relationship.

There is nothing worse than one partner assuming too many facts not in evidence. It's not uncommon for one partner to develop a stronger need for commitment than the other. If a conversation about commitment occurs too soon or with a partner who is not on the same wavelength, the results can be very painful. It pays to hold off on any commitment discussion until both partners have already demonstrated a sense of unspoken commitment.It's not wrong for one partner to seek a more committed relationship than the other seems willing to pursue, but it IS wrong to seek a commitment through intimidation or sheer force of will. If the relationship itself remains strong and healthy, eventually both partners should come to a meeting of the minds regarding commitment.

If no such meeting occurs, then perhaps the relationship does not have the proper foundation for future commitment. No amount of conversation can change this basic flaw in a casual relationship.Once it becomes obvious that both partners are ready to take their relationship to a deeper level, the time for an actual conversation has come. Most professional counselors emphasize the concept of 'open communication', but they often leave out one important consideration - truly open communication is extremely difficult.

In order to have a constructive conversation, try to be in a place where you both feel completely comfortable and protected. If you feel like being the initiator of the conversation about commitment, take a few deep breaths and collect your thoughts. This conversation is going to be awkward and scary and exhiliarating and all those other emotions connected with any serious talk with a potential life mate.

You may feel like you're taking a tremendous risk, simply because you ARE taking a risk. This wonderful, funny, exciting casual dating partner could indeed turn around and walk straight out the door. You have every right to be nervous, but you also have the right to benefit from a committed, deeper relationship.If everything seems to be going well with your conversation, allow it to ebb and flow without definitive answers. You want your partner to open up and share thoughts and plans he or she might feel are private.

The best thing one can hope for is that the other partner has also been considering this conversation and is willing to listen with an open heart. Once you've defined where you'd like to see this relationship go- monogamous dating, engagement, marriage- then you've said all you can really say. It's up to your partner to receive and process this information before giving you a thoughtful response.

This is a very delicate time in any relationship, because either the feelings are going to be reciprocated or the other party will pull away emotionally.Once the subject of commitment has been broached, you should continue to work on the relationship even if your partner hasn't given you a response. Some couples fear that once a serious issue has arisen in their relationship, the overall partnership will no longer be fun or lighthearted.You can ask your partner to join you in a committed relationship on Wednesday and still go see the ballgame on Saturday or watch a good movie on Sunday.

Certainly a relationship may have some uncomfortable moments following a deep conversation, but it should still be fulfilling to both partners. Committed couples will often discover that their lives become a little more complicated as the relationship grows. Some people find it difficult to make decisions based on mutual needs, while others may have problems with fidelity in general.

Having the conversation about commitment is only the first step towards a healthy monogamous lifestyle. Staying true to those promises requires constant vigilance and reinforcement. Demonstrate to your partner the benefits of always having someone in his or her corner. Showing your partner the payoff for a committed relationship should make his or her decision much easier.

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