Entering the Wonderful World of Romantic Places
When thinking of romance, Paris comes into most minds as a glorious city filled with chocolates, flowers and lots of love. Yet, a romantic place may not necessarily mean just Paris, although it is certainly considered one of the foremost cities famous for romance. Paris is often referred to as “The City of Romance, yet there are many romantic places other than Paris that would be just as appealing and much less expensive.
Scanning the panoramic view from the top of the Eiffel Tower may be quite a thrill, but visiting Paris can be quite expensive and may not be the most suited romantic place for those who don’t particularly enjoy the hustle and bustle of the fast-paced city life.Visiting Strasbourg, Isle of Capri And MoreAlongside Paris, one can find other romantic places such as Strasbourg, which is located in the Alsace region of eastern France. This is a village full of small-town charm and more importantly, is much lighter on the wallet. One does not have to dress formally in this town, even though opportunities for formal dressing are plentiful.
Strasbourg can boast of being a tremendously attractive city that has a diverse cultural life to offer and is a wonderful, romantic place to visit. Another romantic destination is the island of Capri which is situated off the coast of Naples and offers everything that a romantic weekend should – seclusion, quaint restaurants, unique shops, as well as beautiful scenery. There are plenty of expensive shops here to browse through, and the Italian cuisine restaurants serve up delicious multi-cuisine fare that adds spice and romance galore.
Another large, romantic city to visit is the capital of the Czech Republic – Prague. You will certainly find romance taking wings as you take in the sights and the varied culture that are all available at comparatively bargain prices. This is one Eastern European city worth visiting as it can rightly boast as being one of the most gorgeous as well as fascinating cities on the planet. It is also convenient to reach, just a few hours away from Nuremburg and Munich by road.
Lastly, who can forget so romantic a place as Vienna which is destined to be every romantic’s first choice what with its imperial splendor, great outdoor cafes as well as friendly people who will gladden many a heart. With all of these spectacular choices in romantic places, finding the perfect getaway of your dreams is only one precious heart-throb away.
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Friday, 21 September 2007
Thursday, 20 September 2007
OUR DATING REGRETS
I decided to take a survey of good single friends and find out what kind of regrets single men and single women had when dating. Dating Regrets took on many different forms in their varied answers but I thought it was interesting to ask because it often highlights dating issues we often forget to mention. As with many of my surveys, the results are haphazard but are useful in pointing out that no single men or single women are alone in the mistakes that occur in our dating lives.Here follows are a mind boggling catalogue of dating disasters that we singles should bear in mind as lessons learned.
1. In top spot - dating a married person.
Man or woman, it makes no difference. In every version the story was the same, dating a married person was a complete disaster. Not withstanding the lies, deceit, regret, cheating and false promises, on NO occasion did anyone I asked have a good outcome for their married affairs. This was one good example of how to waste your years waiting for someone who will never leave; sharing your loved one with someone else and spending thousands of dollars on stolen moments and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.
2. Amazingly not marrying your childhood sweetheart was number 2.
It appears there are a lot of single people who have spent years wishing they had married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Unfortunately this often tends to be your childhood sweetheart or first love at college. At the time you are too young and there are too many other fish in the sea. In later years you have used them as a bench mark of the minimal level of romance required for potential partners and never quite match it. This leads to a feeling of making do with second best. In turn you start hankering for the girl or boy from all those years ago.
3. Not asking someone out on a date when the offer was there.
This is a biggie because we are dealing with the eternal niggling "what if.." question. This tends to come out as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find yourself fantasizing. What if you had asked him out. What if you had said yes to that date. What if you had got married and had children. It seems that not asking someone out can leave a long term legacy. Just look at the popularity of reunion sites on the Internet just now.
4. Not ending a bad relationship earlier.
Yes lot of us listed this one. There are many of us who have entered into a relationship willingly only to discover to our cost that the relationship wasn't all it could be. Whilst the door was only over there we chose for many a reason not to walk out of it. Whilst perhaps a worthy concept in itself it does none of us a service. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners. If only we had had the courage at the time.
5. Dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Maybe for sex, for appearance, for contacts, for business reasons or even out of sympathy. It appears that there are plenty of people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Looking back it is obvious which people we perhaps should never have dated but there are plenty of us who dated the wrong person at the time and knew we were doing it. No excuse.
6. Putting your career first and waiting too long.
Oh yes, this is a modern classic. Our current society has a problem in that a third of all adults are now single - and growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career first, especially through out 20's and then begin seriously dating in our 30's when we feel ready. The problem is that we are not as young as we were, not as attractive as when we were 21 in many cases, our body clocks are ticking at a deafening volume and all the best catches have been snapped up. A great many of us appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier. Be warned.
7. Leaving someone you were in love with.
I don't have the answers but it cropped up quite a few times in my survey and could be tied in with point 2. People in love have left and seem to struggle to find an explanation. All too often the decision was regretted very quickly only to find that the rejected partner had closed and bolted the door and you were never going to be allowed back. Infidelity is the primary cause, or more to the point, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them faithfully appears to be the lesson here.
8. Not being the nice person you could have been.
Treating someone badly in a relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, however empowering it may have felt at the time. As we grow older we list mentally those we could have been nicer too and I am amazed how many of us confess we could have been nicer people to our lovers. I am not talking about physical violence though we all accept that it does exist within our society. No I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and spontaneous. We live and learn and later regret is clearly the message.
9. Dumping someone in a callous and bad way.
I have done it and I have had it done to me and I regret both happening. When young it was easy to love and leave and I never thought anything of it. As I grew older I had it done to me by someone I loved and it broke my heart. I don't think we every do get over being left in a bad way - no explanation, no reasons given. One day it's fine, the next day you're gone. Dumping via email, texting or phone should be made cardinal sins and it appears from my survey that many of us regret doing just that.
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I decided to take a survey of good single friends and find out what kind of regrets single men and single women had when dating. Dating Regrets took on many different forms in their varied answers but I thought it was interesting to ask because it often highlights dating issues we often forget to mention. As with many of my surveys, the results are haphazard but are useful in pointing out that no single men or single women are alone in the mistakes that occur in our dating lives.Here follows are a mind boggling catalogue of dating disasters that we singles should bear in mind as lessons learned.
1. In top spot - dating a married person.
Man or woman, it makes no difference. In every version the story was the same, dating a married person was a complete disaster. Not withstanding the lies, deceit, regret, cheating and false promises, on NO occasion did anyone I asked have a good outcome for their married affairs. This was one good example of how to waste your years waiting for someone who will never leave; sharing your loved one with someone else and spending thousands of dollars on stolen moments and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.
2. Amazingly not marrying your childhood sweetheart was number 2.
It appears there are a lot of single people who have spent years wishing they had married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Unfortunately this often tends to be your childhood sweetheart or first love at college. At the time you are too young and there are too many other fish in the sea. In later years you have used them as a bench mark of the minimal level of romance required for potential partners and never quite match it. This leads to a feeling of making do with second best. In turn you start hankering for the girl or boy from all those years ago.
3. Not asking someone out on a date when the offer was there.
This is a biggie because we are dealing with the eternal niggling "what if.." question. This tends to come out as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find yourself fantasizing. What if you had asked him out. What if you had said yes to that date. What if you had got married and had children. It seems that not asking someone out can leave a long term legacy. Just look at the popularity of reunion sites on the Internet just now.
4. Not ending a bad relationship earlier.
Yes lot of us listed this one. There are many of us who have entered into a relationship willingly only to discover to our cost that the relationship wasn't all it could be. Whilst the door was only over there we chose for many a reason not to walk out of it. Whilst perhaps a worthy concept in itself it does none of us a service. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners. If only we had had the courage at the time.
5. Dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Maybe for sex, for appearance, for contacts, for business reasons or even out of sympathy. It appears that there are plenty of people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Looking back it is obvious which people we perhaps should never have dated but there are plenty of us who dated the wrong person at the time and knew we were doing it. No excuse.
6. Putting your career first and waiting too long.
Oh yes, this is a modern classic. Our current society has a problem in that a third of all adults are now single - and growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career first, especially through out 20's and then begin seriously dating in our 30's when we feel ready. The problem is that we are not as young as we were, not as attractive as when we were 21 in many cases, our body clocks are ticking at a deafening volume and all the best catches have been snapped up. A great many of us appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier. Be warned.
7. Leaving someone you were in love with.
I don't have the answers but it cropped up quite a few times in my survey and could be tied in with point 2. People in love have left and seem to struggle to find an explanation. All too often the decision was regretted very quickly only to find that the rejected partner had closed and bolted the door and you were never going to be allowed back. Infidelity is the primary cause, or more to the point, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them faithfully appears to be the lesson here.
8. Not being the nice person you could have been.
Treating someone badly in a relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, however empowering it may have felt at the time. As we grow older we list mentally those we could have been nicer too and I am amazed how many of us confess we could have been nicer people to our lovers. I am not talking about physical violence though we all accept that it does exist within our society. No I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries, buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and spontaneous. We live and learn and later regret is clearly the message.
9. Dumping someone in a callous and bad way.
I have done it and I have had it done to me and I regret both happening. When young it was easy to love and leave and I never thought anything of it. As I grew older I had it done to me by someone I loved and it broke my heart. I don't think we every do get over being left in a bad way - no explanation, no reasons given. One day it's fine, the next day you're gone. Dumping via email, texting or phone should be made cardinal sins and it appears from my survey that many of us regret doing just that.
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Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Dating Tips for Men That Should Be Obvious
Every woman is different, with different preferences, so what wins one girl’s heart may leave another unsatisfied. However, there are a few things that hold true for the vast majority if there were a set of commandment-like dating tips for men, these would be among them
Call Her
Possibly of the oft repeated dating tips for men, offered by other men, is to wait a certain number of days after a first date to call a woman. Apparently this is based on the premise that calling sooner will make a man seem too eager. Where men got the idea that women are turned off by men who are eager to talk to them is a mystery. If a woman doesn’t hear from a man within a few days of their date, she’s likely to get anxious and uncomfortable about whether or not the man is interested in her. This does not add excitement; it simply adds unneeded tension to a situation already rife with anxiety to begin with.
Offer to Pay the Check
In the age of social equality and splitting the check, it has almost come to be taken for granted that both parties will pay their own way on a date. While this is fair and politically correct, it’s not very romantic. Some dating tips for men and women suggest that whoever initiates the date should pay, however, that could lead to a potentially awkward situation if one party incorrectly assumes that the other is paying. Although your date may decline your offer to cover the whole bill, she will be grateful for your offer as it shows respect for her.
Maintain Friendships with Women
Do not ask men for dating tips; women are the experts on their own gender. Having strong platonic ties to the female population offers an unmatched opportunity for insight into what they like, what they go through, and how to relate to them. The stereotype that a man who grows up with a lot of sisters has better luck with women is partly true for this reason. He is likely to have greater respect for women, as he imagines how he would want his own sisters to be treated. Female friends can offer an unlimited supply of dating tips for men in their lives because they genuinely want their male friends to be happy and, therefore, generally offer useful advice.
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Every woman is different, with different preferences, so what wins one girl’s heart may leave another unsatisfied. However, there are a few things that hold true for the vast majority if there were a set of commandment-like dating tips for men, these would be among them
Call Her
Possibly of the oft repeated dating tips for men, offered by other men, is to wait a certain number of days after a first date to call a woman. Apparently this is based on the premise that calling sooner will make a man seem too eager. Where men got the idea that women are turned off by men who are eager to talk to them is a mystery. If a woman doesn’t hear from a man within a few days of their date, she’s likely to get anxious and uncomfortable about whether or not the man is interested in her. This does not add excitement; it simply adds unneeded tension to a situation already rife with anxiety to begin with.
Offer to Pay the Check
In the age of social equality and splitting the check, it has almost come to be taken for granted that both parties will pay their own way on a date. While this is fair and politically correct, it’s not very romantic. Some dating tips for men and women suggest that whoever initiates the date should pay, however, that could lead to a potentially awkward situation if one party incorrectly assumes that the other is paying. Although your date may decline your offer to cover the whole bill, she will be grateful for your offer as it shows respect for her.
Maintain Friendships with Women
Do not ask men for dating tips; women are the experts on their own gender. Having strong platonic ties to the female population offers an unmatched opportunity for insight into what they like, what they go through, and how to relate to them. The stereotype that a man who grows up with a lot of sisters has better luck with women is partly true for this reason. He is likely to have greater respect for women, as he imagines how he would want his own sisters to be treated. Female friends can offer an unlimited supply of dating tips for men in their lives because they genuinely want their male friends to be happy and, therefore, generally offer useful advice.
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Monday, 17 September 2007
FIRST LOVE
Are we searching for Miss. Right or Mr. Right or have we already met them before? Did your Mr. Right once exist in your former life? Were they childhood sweethearts?First love isn’t a new topic but I realized that first love is an emotionally potent one. With this in mind I realized that first love must have a much greater effect on the way we handle our love lives that we perhaps want to admit. Until we first fall in love we are in effect emotional virgins. True romance has yet to touch us. We assume we know a great deal about life already and we assume we feel the same way that everyone else does, but we do not.
Only those who have been in love that first time know the world has far more to it than meets the eye. Like death of an adult or parent or someone we love we can never be prepared and first love for many of us is a happy experience tinged with lifelong sadness and oddly, an element of grief. Because unless we marry our childhood sweetheart, our very first Mr. Right and live happily ever after, most of us will go on from our first love to be single again and learn from the experience.I am not speaking here of first dates, first kiss or first sex. I am speaking earnestly about one’s first true love, the person you first fall madly in love with and cannot live without. It could be a childhood sweetheart but it doesn't have to be.
Childhood sweethearts have a huge influence though and mustn't be underestimated in the legacy they leave. However I accept here that childhood sweetheart is too specific. Personally speaking, I was always kind of jealous of those who had childhood sweethearts as that was how it was supposed to be.First love is the first time we learn to deal with pangs of angst, stomach churning adoration, lust, love, anxiety, salty tears that know no end. It’s the first time you learn what a deep communication with another person out-with your immediate family can be like on both a spiritual and physical level. You cannot live without them, you feel alive like never before, you exist wholly for another human being. It is fantastic, it is unbelievable, it’s the best thing in the world and it becomes your life, she becomes your life, he becomes your life.
And it ends. In an instant the best thing that ever happened to you …stops.I may overplay this scenario and of course it doesn’t happen to everyone, but amazingly, most of us have had some kind of experience like this. If we haven’t then we will so be warned. I say this because this may just be the thing that governs who we are. For many of us, our first great love occurs sometime between 16 to 21 years of age when we are still young and fresh and optimistic and ready for life. In that moment we are most open to experience and we are also at our most vulnerable. In this moment we may love like we may never love again, at least for quite a while.During that time of first true love we open up ourselves to everything that love can bring us, elation, defeat, passion, sincerity, communication and contact, all on levels we had never experienced before.
Our minds store away every small detail as part of our vertical new learning in love and romance and we cannot get enough. But the issue is that it gets taken away. It may be we are making a wise decision, maybe it is we who decides too much too young. It may not be our choice and our eternally loved partner walks away leaving us with life long questions that may never be answered. But whatever happens and however the end of our first love occurs, it will and does leave a legacy whether we like it or not.Okay I hear you ask, what legacy, or is my legacy the same as your legacy? Well no, we are all different.
First love in many people often leaves us with lifelong happy memories that are tied in with other close friends, with college and school, with times and places and particularly summers. For others, first love is a series of memories of regret, bad decisions and choices from which they have learned and become stronger hopefully. For everyone who has grown older with the legacy of a first love, future dating decisions are often too closely related to that first true love experience.The first legacy is often physical. We want to recapture the feelings of being with our first love, our childhood sweethearts, our Mr. Right or Miss Right, and the easiest way for our brains to do that is to find someone who looks like them.
How often have you seen a friend with someone who looks like their first love. Amazingly when I thought about this there were quite a few people I knew who were dating the image of their childhood sweethearts. So we find comfort in being with someone who resembles our first love.Next, we find that we are left with a legacy of the need to recreate a sense of love we have had time to heighten. What this really means is that if we have already experienced true love once, we want it again. Not a little, but the same or more even, just like the first time. Secretly, we crave it. Now this is a serious legacy from our past romance because what this really means is that we may not be satisfied by many relationships that come our way afterwards. Every time we date we want it to be like the first time, full of new experience, full of innocent love, with no preconditions. Yes we already now have preconditions because we have learned from our first love. We have set a base line for the presence of love.
Next this means that we will be tough in our romantic and dating decisions. Subconsciously we relate our first love to the perfect feeling of being in love and as such we crave it. We need and want love and that overwhelming wave of romance to be as powerful and magical as it was the first time and if it doesn’t come and come quickly, then the person we date will be penalized for this. We won’t want to date people who appear to be dissimilar to the person who showed us love; we avoid selecting people who don’t show such heightened potential in the early days of meeting. In other words, new dates are not reaching a perilously high love base line we have set and it may be that no one can.
We want to date our childhood sweethearts a second time.Next, the first love legacy means that we may punish those from who we don’t receive the same amazing love feelings by letting them go and continuing our search. In the end it can mean that we have set our sights so high that finding comparable love and happiness becomes difficult. Date after date we are looking for something we cannot find. I often here people say, “I don’t know what it is I am searching for but it’s inside me but I just can’t find it but I will know it when I see (feel) it”. In other words, they know what love feels like and want it again, but until it comes instantly they won’t accept, “I will not make do”, they say. And dating becomes difficult.Of course what we forget is that our first love, our Mr. Right, is probably now some years older, a different person, maybe even looks different. That moment has gone now.
It has been lost in time, and only lives on inside of us. I think it can be a good thing if we control it and let it be part of us but not take over. It governs some of the choices of who we are and who we wish to date, it guides and helps us in some ways because it clarifies what we know allows us to be happy. Even better is that it reminds us that true love can and does exist but that we are on a search to find it once again.To find true love in first love is an amazing thing and many say that to find that twice in a lifetime is impossible. I disagree, I think as long as we accept that we must not try and recreate our first love, we are simply clear minded healthy people who know what we are about and are wise in knowing the experience of love, both good and bad.
We should remember not to let this affect the potential of future even more powerful relationships than any that came before. Your Mr. Right, is somewhere waiting, just don't let him be the one in the past.
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Are we searching for Miss. Right or Mr. Right or have we already met them before? Did your Mr. Right once exist in your former life? Were they childhood sweethearts?First love isn’t a new topic but I realized that first love is an emotionally potent one. With this in mind I realized that first love must have a much greater effect on the way we handle our love lives that we perhaps want to admit. Until we first fall in love we are in effect emotional virgins. True romance has yet to touch us. We assume we know a great deal about life already and we assume we feel the same way that everyone else does, but we do not.
Only those who have been in love that first time know the world has far more to it than meets the eye. Like death of an adult or parent or someone we love we can never be prepared and first love for many of us is a happy experience tinged with lifelong sadness and oddly, an element of grief. Because unless we marry our childhood sweetheart, our very first Mr. Right and live happily ever after, most of us will go on from our first love to be single again and learn from the experience.I am not speaking here of first dates, first kiss or first sex. I am speaking earnestly about one’s first true love, the person you first fall madly in love with and cannot live without. It could be a childhood sweetheart but it doesn't have to be.
Childhood sweethearts have a huge influence though and mustn't be underestimated in the legacy they leave. However I accept here that childhood sweetheart is too specific. Personally speaking, I was always kind of jealous of those who had childhood sweethearts as that was how it was supposed to be.First love is the first time we learn to deal with pangs of angst, stomach churning adoration, lust, love, anxiety, salty tears that know no end. It’s the first time you learn what a deep communication with another person out-with your immediate family can be like on both a spiritual and physical level. You cannot live without them, you feel alive like never before, you exist wholly for another human being. It is fantastic, it is unbelievable, it’s the best thing in the world and it becomes your life, she becomes your life, he becomes your life.
And it ends. In an instant the best thing that ever happened to you …stops.I may overplay this scenario and of course it doesn’t happen to everyone, but amazingly, most of us have had some kind of experience like this. If we haven’t then we will so be warned. I say this because this may just be the thing that governs who we are. For many of us, our first great love occurs sometime between 16 to 21 years of age when we are still young and fresh and optimistic and ready for life. In that moment we are most open to experience and we are also at our most vulnerable. In this moment we may love like we may never love again, at least for quite a while.During that time of first true love we open up ourselves to everything that love can bring us, elation, defeat, passion, sincerity, communication and contact, all on levels we had never experienced before.
Our minds store away every small detail as part of our vertical new learning in love and romance and we cannot get enough. But the issue is that it gets taken away. It may be we are making a wise decision, maybe it is we who decides too much too young. It may not be our choice and our eternally loved partner walks away leaving us with life long questions that may never be answered. But whatever happens and however the end of our first love occurs, it will and does leave a legacy whether we like it or not.Okay I hear you ask, what legacy, or is my legacy the same as your legacy? Well no, we are all different.
First love in many people often leaves us with lifelong happy memories that are tied in with other close friends, with college and school, with times and places and particularly summers. For others, first love is a series of memories of regret, bad decisions and choices from which they have learned and become stronger hopefully. For everyone who has grown older with the legacy of a first love, future dating decisions are often too closely related to that first true love experience.The first legacy is often physical. We want to recapture the feelings of being with our first love, our childhood sweethearts, our Mr. Right or Miss Right, and the easiest way for our brains to do that is to find someone who looks like them.
How often have you seen a friend with someone who looks like their first love. Amazingly when I thought about this there were quite a few people I knew who were dating the image of their childhood sweethearts. So we find comfort in being with someone who resembles our first love.Next, we find that we are left with a legacy of the need to recreate a sense of love we have had time to heighten. What this really means is that if we have already experienced true love once, we want it again. Not a little, but the same or more even, just like the first time. Secretly, we crave it. Now this is a serious legacy from our past romance because what this really means is that we may not be satisfied by many relationships that come our way afterwards. Every time we date we want it to be like the first time, full of new experience, full of innocent love, with no preconditions. Yes we already now have preconditions because we have learned from our first love. We have set a base line for the presence of love.
Next this means that we will be tough in our romantic and dating decisions. Subconsciously we relate our first love to the perfect feeling of being in love and as such we crave it. We need and want love and that overwhelming wave of romance to be as powerful and magical as it was the first time and if it doesn’t come and come quickly, then the person we date will be penalized for this. We won’t want to date people who appear to be dissimilar to the person who showed us love; we avoid selecting people who don’t show such heightened potential in the early days of meeting. In other words, new dates are not reaching a perilously high love base line we have set and it may be that no one can.
We want to date our childhood sweethearts a second time.Next, the first love legacy means that we may punish those from who we don’t receive the same amazing love feelings by letting them go and continuing our search. In the end it can mean that we have set our sights so high that finding comparable love and happiness becomes difficult. Date after date we are looking for something we cannot find. I often here people say, “I don’t know what it is I am searching for but it’s inside me but I just can’t find it but I will know it when I see (feel) it”. In other words, they know what love feels like and want it again, but until it comes instantly they won’t accept, “I will not make do”, they say. And dating becomes difficult.Of course what we forget is that our first love, our Mr. Right, is probably now some years older, a different person, maybe even looks different. That moment has gone now.
It has been lost in time, and only lives on inside of us. I think it can be a good thing if we control it and let it be part of us but not take over. It governs some of the choices of who we are and who we wish to date, it guides and helps us in some ways because it clarifies what we know allows us to be happy. Even better is that it reminds us that true love can and does exist but that we are on a search to find it once again.To find true love in first love is an amazing thing and many say that to find that twice in a lifetime is impossible. I disagree, I think as long as we accept that we must not try and recreate our first love, we are simply clear minded healthy people who know what we are about and are wise in knowing the experience of love, both good and bad.
We should remember not to let this affect the potential of future even more powerful relationships than any that came before. Your Mr. Right, is somewhere waiting, just don't let him be the one in the past.
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Sunday, 16 September 2007
GETTING DUMPED – BECOMMING SINGLE
Its happens to us all from time to time and it is the bad part about dating. Getting dumped is about someone who you spent time with who doesn't want a close relationship anymore. On almost all occasions, when you‘ve been dumped, it comes as a surprise, a nasty surprise. Looking back you think to yourself, well I could see that coming really. But at the time, you were not prepared.
On almost every occasion you’ve been dumped, the partner who has dumped you has been thinking of doing it for longer than you imagine. It appears they suddenly dumped you after an argument or some minor incident but actually, they have been playing the scenario out in their heads for quite a while. When partners spontaneously try and dump you, they make a hash of it. It goes wrong. If someone has practiced the scenario they won't be swayed and will try and convince you to see life from their point of view. Which is dreadful.
Being dumped usually happens when you least expect it and its possible that you were almost dumped a week or two earlier when your other half went through the motions but didn't actually quite have the nerve to see things through. It was almost like a Practise session. Then when it finally does come, its gentle and firm and clear. This partner doesn't want to be with you anymore. They are detached when they speak because they need to be. They have to detach themselves from emotion not because they don't have any feelings, but because this is what it takes to walk away.
The partner who is dumping you has temporarily learned to cope with shutting feelings out so that they can deal with saying good-bye. To be honest though, their emotional state may be fraught but it is backed up by a sense of escape and release and so they are feeling very different emotions from you. They are feeling that they need to get this conversation over and done with and want you to accept the situation as gracefully as possible.
Certainly the lover dumping you is being heartless in some ways and they don't have your interests at heart, only their own, which is why they often try and sugar coat the situation by telling you how your future will be so positive without them and how they are a negative influence on you and the worst two of the lot, "you deserve better than me" and "shall we be good friends". Both of those lines are cheap, meaningless and sometimes very shallow. In the same way, telling you that you will continue to "see" your ex and remain good buddies, is utter nonsense. The world has just changed for good.
The first thing that springs to mind when you’ve been dumped is just how ridiculous are the reasons you are given. On almost ALL occasions, they are not telling you the truth. Why? Because ironically they are trying to spare your feelings. Well now, they have just taken away your trust, your faith, your romantic life in its entirety, even your planned future. But they are trying to spare your feelings.
The amount of lies told to you in one 30 minute period will never be as many as when you are being dumped. I hate the leeches who dump you over a dinner date in a restaurant, or at a party so that you can say less. Their hope is damage limitation to try and get away without "having a scene". I remember one girl, Angela, who dumped me by email. That was probably as low as anyone can stoop. I suppose the phone is as bad, or a note, or through a friend. But remember that most people are cowards. I'd always prefer to know the truth.
The one thing that stands out about being dumped more than anything else, is when one receives no explanation. Oh, you may be given one, but be sure that isn't the real reason my friends. No, you will be given the most trivial of reasons, or worse "it's not you, it's me" Which actually means, "its you". They simply won't tell you why though, because they are scared. Now I can argue this is a positive thing because by being scared of hurting you, there is some semblance of respect still present. And that has to be positive. However there is no future in having any further contact with this person and I firmly recommend when someone walks out of your life, it is for ever. (I know its different if you have children and I won't address that situation here).
Now scientists tell us that when you are dumped you undergo almost exactly the same set of physiological and psychological reactions as bereavement. Clearly if you have been seeing someone for 3 weeks and they decide you are not for them, your feelings are hurt, but nothing more. But, once a relationship has formed and the person walks out of your life then that person may as well have died. Because you will react in the same way.
What I mean but the is is that it is entirely correct and fitting that you want to lock yourself away for a while, to undergo a period of mourning. You have to come to terms with what has happened and that the relationship is finally over. This in fact can take months or years. Your friends will provide you with a support infrastructure and whilst they are well meaning and want you to return to your positive self, be prepared for it taking some time.
You could start dating again but these dates won't lead to anything immediately, not until you are psychologically ready. Personally and privately, I believe that it is only when you are angry with the person who dumped you, even to the point of hating them, before you can get over them. You may think that's too strong, but out of anger often comes clarity of mind. Still loving them is not the way forward. In years to come you may respect them and love their memory, but certainly not now no.
When someone dumps you, they generally mean it and it has taken them a lot of thinking to go through with it. So do not hope they will change their mind, they won't. You will feel betrayed and deceived and you are right. They played with your feelings. But then everyone has a right to leave and no one has the right to stay imprisoned in a relationship they don't want. So it is your own acceptance of the situation that is the most important thing here.
In fact you are the most important thing in the equation. The person who just dumped you no longer matters. Life becomes about you again and what you want. You are the director of your own movie , your life, so you hire and fire the cast and crew as you like. If they dumped you, mentally dump them too. But don't dwell on revenge as down that path lays madness awaiting. No, you do need to move on, but only when you are ready and only down the path you choose.
Getting some revenge is an immediate afterthought, because you want to feel the satisfaction of getting even. Of hurting them like they hurt you. But all you do if you publicly display revenge, is look somewhat pathetic. I do not advocate revenge in that way. The best way for any revenge is to get even in a constructive way that leaves your dumper looking like the fool. I remember being dumped by an ex, only to leave the city and get a glamorous job abroad a few weeks later and letting her know it. That gave me the satisfaction of knowing we were even. Life moved on.
Being dumped is an awkward mess that hurts us and cannot be trivialized. It means that the person we entrusted with our souls has turned round and said they don't want it. It makes us feel cheap and worthless and unwanted. We don't want other fish in the sea, we wanted them. But its too late, its over.
Here are some tips I think are essential when getting dumped:
Don't believe the reasons you are given when you are dumped as you may be being lied toIf you spot a trial run, you may be dumped within days so anticipate it
Don't dump them first because you thought you spotted a trial run though !
Allow the person to say why your relationship has ended but give them little in return.
They want you to forgive them and tell them its all right. It isn't so don't let them off the hook whatsoever. Never.
Allow yourself a mourning period of however long it takes
Don't start dating immediately, not until you are ready
Do realize that seeing other people though, will make things easierD
on't hope that your ex will return, its highly unlikely
Start thinking about yourself as number 1 priority and spoil yourself
Do not keep hold of any joint possessions or mementos.
The relationship is over and mementos will hurt you.
Throw all their things away and put photos in a box
Never hang out where you may meet you ex. T
alking things over doesn't work.
If they want you they will come crawling back
If you accept your ex back again you are playing with fire.
Better to say good-bye once and for all.
You deserve better
Remember that the person who dumped you has lost you and will not meet anyone like you again. Their loss.
Allow yourself to be angry with the person who dumped you and mentally dump them too
Finally, when all is said and done, it is sometimes better to change jobs and even move location to forget someone. You can argue well why should I, but let's be realistic, it may be the only answer. We are talking about your life here, not someone elses'. You deserve better because you are worth it.
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Its happens to us all from time to time and it is the bad part about dating. Getting dumped is about someone who you spent time with who doesn't want a close relationship anymore. On almost all occasions, when you‘ve been dumped, it comes as a surprise, a nasty surprise. Looking back you think to yourself, well I could see that coming really. But at the time, you were not prepared.
On almost every occasion you’ve been dumped, the partner who has dumped you has been thinking of doing it for longer than you imagine. It appears they suddenly dumped you after an argument or some minor incident but actually, they have been playing the scenario out in their heads for quite a while. When partners spontaneously try and dump you, they make a hash of it. It goes wrong. If someone has practiced the scenario they won't be swayed and will try and convince you to see life from their point of view. Which is dreadful.
Being dumped usually happens when you least expect it and its possible that you were almost dumped a week or two earlier when your other half went through the motions but didn't actually quite have the nerve to see things through. It was almost like a Practise session. Then when it finally does come, its gentle and firm and clear. This partner doesn't want to be with you anymore. They are detached when they speak because they need to be. They have to detach themselves from emotion not because they don't have any feelings, but because this is what it takes to walk away.
The partner who is dumping you has temporarily learned to cope with shutting feelings out so that they can deal with saying good-bye. To be honest though, their emotional state may be fraught but it is backed up by a sense of escape and release and so they are feeling very different emotions from you. They are feeling that they need to get this conversation over and done with and want you to accept the situation as gracefully as possible.
Certainly the lover dumping you is being heartless in some ways and they don't have your interests at heart, only their own, which is why they often try and sugar coat the situation by telling you how your future will be so positive without them and how they are a negative influence on you and the worst two of the lot, "you deserve better than me" and "shall we be good friends". Both of those lines are cheap, meaningless and sometimes very shallow. In the same way, telling you that you will continue to "see" your ex and remain good buddies, is utter nonsense. The world has just changed for good.
The first thing that springs to mind when you’ve been dumped is just how ridiculous are the reasons you are given. On almost ALL occasions, they are not telling you the truth. Why? Because ironically they are trying to spare your feelings. Well now, they have just taken away your trust, your faith, your romantic life in its entirety, even your planned future. But they are trying to spare your feelings.
The amount of lies told to you in one 30 minute period will never be as many as when you are being dumped. I hate the leeches who dump you over a dinner date in a restaurant, or at a party so that you can say less. Their hope is damage limitation to try and get away without "having a scene". I remember one girl, Angela, who dumped me by email. That was probably as low as anyone can stoop. I suppose the phone is as bad, or a note, or through a friend. But remember that most people are cowards. I'd always prefer to know the truth.
The one thing that stands out about being dumped more than anything else, is when one receives no explanation. Oh, you may be given one, but be sure that isn't the real reason my friends. No, you will be given the most trivial of reasons, or worse "it's not you, it's me" Which actually means, "its you". They simply won't tell you why though, because they are scared. Now I can argue this is a positive thing because by being scared of hurting you, there is some semblance of respect still present. And that has to be positive. However there is no future in having any further contact with this person and I firmly recommend when someone walks out of your life, it is for ever. (I know its different if you have children and I won't address that situation here).
Now scientists tell us that when you are dumped you undergo almost exactly the same set of physiological and psychological reactions as bereavement. Clearly if you have been seeing someone for 3 weeks and they decide you are not for them, your feelings are hurt, but nothing more. But, once a relationship has formed and the person walks out of your life then that person may as well have died. Because you will react in the same way.
What I mean but the is is that it is entirely correct and fitting that you want to lock yourself away for a while, to undergo a period of mourning. You have to come to terms with what has happened and that the relationship is finally over. This in fact can take months or years. Your friends will provide you with a support infrastructure and whilst they are well meaning and want you to return to your positive self, be prepared for it taking some time.
You could start dating again but these dates won't lead to anything immediately, not until you are psychologically ready. Personally and privately, I believe that it is only when you are angry with the person who dumped you, even to the point of hating them, before you can get over them. You may think that's too strong, but out of anger often comes clarity of mind. Still loving them is not the way forward. In years to come you may respect them and love their memory, but certainly not now no.
When someone dumps you, they generally mean it and it has taken them a lot of thinking to go through with it. So do not hope they will change their mind, they won't. You will feel betrayed and deceived and you are right. They played with your feelings. But then everyone has a right to leave and no one has the right to stay imprisoned in a relationship they don't want. So it is your own acceptance of the situation that is the most important thing here.
In fact you are the most important thing in the equation. The person who just dumped you no longer matters. Life becomes about you again and what you want. You are the director of your own movie , your life, so you hire and fire the cast and crew as you like. If they dumped you, mentally dump them too. But don't dwell on revenge as down that path lays madness awaiting. No, you do need to move on, but only when you are ready and only down the path you choose.
Getting some revenge is an immediate afterthought, because you want to feel the satisfaction of getting even. Of hurting them like they hurt you. But all you do if you publicly display revenge, is look somewhat pathetic. I do not advocate revenge in that way. The best way for any revenge is to get even in a constructive way that leaves your dumper looking like the fool. I remember being dumped by an ex, only to leave the city and get a glamorous job abroad a few weeks later and letting her know it. That gave me the satisfaction of knowing we were even. Life moved on.
Being dumped is an awkward mess that hurts us and cannot be trivialized. It means that the person we entrusted with our souls has turned round and said they don't want it. It makes us feel cheap and worthless and unwanted. We don't want other fish in the sea, we wanted them. But its too late, its over.
Here are some tips I think are essential when getting dumped:
Don't believe the reasons you are given when you are dumped as you may be being lied toIf you spot a trial run, you may be dumped within days so anticipate it
Don't dump them first because you thought you spotted a trial run though !
Allow the person to say why your relationship has ended but give them little in return.
They want you to forgive them and tell them its all right. It isn't so don't let them off the hook whatsoever. Never.
Allow yourself a mourning period of however long it takes
Don't start dating immediately, not until you are ready
Do realize that seeing other people though, will make things easierD
on't hope that your ex will return, its highly unlikely
Start thinking about yourself as number 1 priority and spoil yourself
Do not keep hold of any joint possessions or mementos.
The relationship is over and mementos will hurt you.
Throw all their things away and put photos in a box
Never hang out where you may meet you ex. T
alking things over doesn't work.
If they want you they will come crawling back
If you accept your ex back again you are playing with fire.
Better to say good-bye once and for all.
You deserve better
Remember that the person who dumped you has lost you and will not meet anyone like you again. Their loss.
Allow yourself to be angry with the person who dumped you and mentally dump them too
Finally, when all is said and done, it is sometimes better to change jobs and even move location to forget someone. You can argue well why should I, but let's be realistic, it may be the only answer. We are talking about your life here, not someone elses'. You deserve better because you are worth it.
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Saturday, 15 September 2007
Seduction Tips That Will Work For Both Men And Women
Seduction is an art that needs to be done precisely in order to obtain any results from both men and women. Here are a few seduction tips that I hope will help you seduce your partner successfully every single time.
Create The Mood
Probably the most important part in seduction is creating the atmosphere in order to set the right mood. There are many ways in which you can set the right atmosphere and it is up to you to decide how elaborate to be; you can start by having a candle lit diner, it is important it is candle lit because or at least you dim the lights in the dining area as dim lights always bring a romantic allure.If you don’t feel like cooking a candle light diner, which does take a lot of work you can set the mood after a normal diner by reaching for a bottle of wine and some crackers, slow music, which you must ensure that is what he or she likes.
Dress To Seduce
The next seduction tip is dressing for the occasion, which is as important especially for men who are aroused by visuals therefore get in the right lingerie and be as provocative as possible in your talks and actions.If however, you don’t want to be too direct the nest seduction tip will take you to apply a massage to your partner; you can apply a massage on the whole body or on a particular part of the body for example, for women men can start being seductive by giving them a foot massage.
Prepare The Bedroom
Yet another great seduction tip will lead you straight to be bedroom where you don’t have to do much but ensure that you have satin or silk sheets, dim light or scented candles and music of choice; champagne or a glass of wine is always welcome as long as both you and your partner enjoy it.
However, if you have missed the diner, after diner, and the bedroom seduction possibilities, here is a seduction tip that you can use on your partner when in bed or even when he or she is asleep; a light massage or caress can awake the senses of both men and women and it is probably the most successful seduction tip of all because you are having direct contact with the person by touching the skin, which automatically awakes the senses.
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Seduction is an art that needs to be done precisely in order to obtain any results from both men and women. Here are a few seduction tips that I hope will help you seduce your partner successfully every single time.
Create The Mood
Probably the most important part in seduction is creating the atmosphere in order to set the right mood. There are many ways in which you can set the right atmosphere and it is up to you to decide how elaborate to be; you can start by having a candle lit diner, it is important it is candle lit because or at least you dim the lights in the dining area as dim lights always bring a romantic allure.If you don’t feel like cooking a candle light diner, which does take a lot of work you can set the mood after a normal diner by reaching for a bottle of wine and some crackers, slow music, which you must ensure that is what he or she likes.
Dress To Seduce
The next seduction tip is dressing for the occasion, which is as important especially for men who are aroused by visuals therefore get in the right lingerie and be as provocative as possible in your talks and actions.If however, you don’t want to be too direct the nest seduction tip will take you to apply a massage to your partner; you can apply a massage on the whole body or on a particular part of the body for example, for women men can start being seductive by giving them a foot massage.
Prepare The Bedroom
Yet another great seduction tip will lead you straight to be bedroom where you don’t have to do much but ensure that you have satin or silk sheets, dim light or scented candles and music of choice; champagne or a glass of wine is always welcome as long as both you and your partner enjoy it.
However, if you have missed the diner, after diner, and the bedroom seduction possibilities, here is a seduction tip that you can use on your partner when in bed or even when he or she is asleep; a light massage or caress can awake the senses of both men and women and it is probably the most successful seduction tip of all because you are having direct contact with the person by touching the skin, which automatically awakes the senses.
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Wednesday, 12 September 2007
GREAT PLACES TO DATE
Where are the best places to go on a date someone asked me the other day and I had to admit I didn't have a ready reply so I decided to give it some thought. I suppose we take it for granted that when a single man or a single woman likes us enough to agree to spend time with us that we just know where to go for some social company. The fact is most of the time we don't. As we are put on the spot we have some quick thinking to do to look decisive and original. Where shall I meet you, single men ask and single women are saying "ehm ehm -let me think". Well it occurred to me that we need a little planning here if we are serious about dating.
Usually I would just suggest my favorite bar or coffee shop or somewhere nearby as a great place to date, but without really thinking how that will affect the date and how it may help things go well. I can concentrate on my dating dress , on my dating chat, on my dating appearance, but the dating place itself is often ignored. And yet the place can make the date so it is time to think about this one. Okay the first thing is, do you do your dating at lunchtime or after work? If you date at lunchtime then I am supposing it is close to your place of work. If it is, then what establishments are near enough to be practical and at the same time atmospheric? Clearly some cities are better at providing great places to date than others.
For example when I lived in Paris there were a million cafes for dating, but when in Singapore I usually had to do my dating in food halls which lacked the same ambiance. I would always recommend dating at lunchtime if possible for a first date as there is a fixed time limit and an escape route implied. You can grab a coffee for 30 minutes and you don't need to worry about looking smart as much as you may be in work wear.If this makes sense then spend a few lunchtimes going to a few places with friends to see which would suit you best as a dating venue. Remember never to let on where you work in the early stages of dating. Keep safe.
Try out a few small restaurants, tapas bars, coffee shops, diners and sandwich bars and see which you think would make a great place to check your new date out.If you are dating after work then maybe it will be a bar downtown or an early evening restaurant etc. I would always advise somewhere informal to begin dating so that you can both relax over a drink. A formal evening dinner for a first date is a recipe for letdowns in my opinion. There is a great build up, a lot of effort, expense only to find the date lasts 20 minutes. So don't bother initially, get into the groove of short snappy dates that are relaxed and a lot of fun. This will demonstrate your creative part.Almost every major city has some kind of cool art gallery. In my opinion these are tailor made for dating and great places to date.
You can appreciate the finer things in life, or look like you appreciate them, whilst at the same time spend time in the presence of your date whilst at the same time have a distraction in the art itself. Popping to the toilet also acts as the perfect escape route if you have made a grave mistake! Comedy clubs are a great place to date. You can meet for a drink beforehand and relax and have a chat. You then have the marvelous facility of built-in comedic entertainment that rubs off as showing you as being funny too because the whole atmosphere lends itself to humor. Although you can't chat as much throughout the show it will quickly demonstrate sense of humor levels and you will be able to sense if you are on the same wave length.
If you can laugh together you may be on to a winner.I love taking dating to Zoos, particularly out of season. I don't necessarily agree with keeping wild animals in cages but as they are there and zoos are trying to keep species from extinction that it is the least we can do to try and help. But as animals show our softer side and are interesting to go see then they are the perfect backdrop for dating. There are plenty of discussion points, plenty of things to chat about which relate to past experiences and lots of walking together. There are small cafes dotted around and places to sit and talk.Sports activities are great fun when dating, especially if there is lots of physical involvement. Going bowling or ice skating are perfect dating activities.
I have never been anywhere so romantic as ice skating in Central Park in the snow one winter. The great thing about bowling is that you have a challenge from the first moment. The man can show his masculinity by dealing with the ridiculously complex scoring computer whilst the lady can show her adept handling of a 12lb ball, usually in orange. No kidding, its fun and its a great place to chat as well as grab a coffee. Ice skating allows you to fall into each others arms and therefore I think it speaks for itself. The worse you are, the better the date!So rather than depending on my list of places to date, grab a good food guide, and start looking around you at the places that would be great for dating.
When someone agrees next time you will be fully armored with lots of choices that you have tested out. By being prepared you will reduce your stress levels by 50% before your date even begins.
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Where are the best places to go on a date someone asked me the other day and I had to admit I didn't have a ready reply so I decided to give it some thought. I suppose we take it for granted that when a single man or a single woman likes us enough to agree to spend time with us that we just know where to go for some social company. The fact is most of the time we don't. As we are put on the spot we have some quick thinking to do to look decisive and original. Where shall I meet you, single men ask and single women are saying "ehm ehm -let me think". Well it occurred to me that we need a little planning here if we are serious about dating.
Usually I would just suggest my favorite bar or coffee shop or somewhere nearby as a great place to date, but without really thinking how that will affect the date and how it may help things go well. I can concentrate on my dating dress , on my dating chat, on my dating appearance, but the dating place itself is often ignored. And yet the place can make the date so it is time to think about this one. Okay the first thing is, do you do your dating at lunchtime or after work? If you date at lunchtime then I am supposing it is close to your place of work. If it is, then what establishments are near enough to be practical and at the same time atmospheric? Clearly some cities are better at providing great places to date than others.
For example when I lived in Paris there were a million cafes for dating, but when in Singapore I usually had to do my dating in food halls which lacked the same ambiance. I would always recommend dating at lunchtime if possible for a first date as there is a fixed time limit and an escape route implied. You can grab a coffee for 30 minutes and you don't need to worry about looking smart as much as you may be in work wear.If this makes sense then spend a few lunchtimes going to a few places with friends to see which would suit you best as a dating venue. Remember never to let on where you work in the early stages of dating. Keep safe.
Try out a few small restaurants, tapas bars, coffee shops, diners and sandwich bars and see which you think would make a great place to check your new date out.If you are dating after work then maybe it will be a bar downtown or an early evening restaurant etc. I would always advise somewhere informal to begin dating so that you can both relax over a drink. A formal evening dinner for a first date is a recipe for letdowns in my opinion. There is a great build up, a lot of effort, expense only to find the date lasts 20 minutes. So don't bother initially, get into the groove of short snappy dates that are relaxed and a lot of fun. This will demonstrate your creative part.Almost every major city has some kind of cool art gallery. In my opinion these are tailor made for dating and great places to date.
You can appreciate the finer things in life, or look like you appreciate them, whilst at the same time spend time in the presence of your date whilst at the same time have a distraction in the art itself. Popping to the toilet also acts as the perfect escape route if you have made a grave mistake! Comedy clubs are a great place to date. You can meet for a drink beforehand and relax and have a chat. You then have the marvelous facility of built-in comedic entertainment that rubs off as showing you as being funny too because the whole atmosphere lends itself to humor. Although you can't chat as much throughout the show it will quickly demonstrate sense of humor levels and you will be able to sense if you are on the same wave length.
If you can laugh together you may be on to a winner.I love taking dating to Zoos, particularly out of season. I don't necessarily agree with keeping wild animals in cages but as they are there and zoos are trying to keep species from extinction that it is the least we can do to try and help. But as animals show our softer side and are interesting to go see then they are the perfect backdrop for dating. There are plenty of discussion points, plenty of things to chat about which relate to past experiences and lots of walking together. There are small cafes dotted around and places to sit and talk.Sports activities are great fun when dating, especially if there is lots of physical involvement. Going bowling or ice skating are perfect dating activities.
I have never been anywhere so romantic as ice skating in Central Park in the snow one winter. The great thing about bowling is that you have a challenge from the first moment. The man can show his masculinity by dealing with the ridiculously complex scoring computer whilst the lady can show her adept handling of a 12lb ball, usually in orange. No kidding, its fun and its a great place to chat as well as grab a coffee. Ice skating allows you to fall into each others arms and therefore I think it speaks for itself. The worse you are, the better the date!So rather than depending on my list of places to date, grab a good food guide, and start looking around you at the places that would be great for dating.
When someone agrees next time you will be fully armored with lots of choices that you have tested out. By being prepared you will reduce your stress levels by 50% before your date even begins.
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Monday, 10 September 2007
DATING ESSENTIALS FOR MEN
When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff, it is always worth reminding ourselves, as single men, how to get the foundations right.
Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Single women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippy that hadn’t bathed for a while. It doesn’t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, single girls have bad hair days all the time) she won’t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do on your date is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don’t want her to think. Single women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will your date think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking your date up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won’t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don’t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for your date, let your date walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Single women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
Compliment Her
The first thing to say to your date is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the colour of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A single woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask your date questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a single woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends.
There was a single man and single woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dries up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now single women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some single women prefer not to kiss after a date; others are disappointed if the single guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on dating her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don’t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.
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When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff, it is always worth reminding ourselves, as single men, how to get the foundations right.
Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Single women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippy that hadn’t bathed for a while. It doesn’t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, single girls have bad hair days all the time) she won’t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do on your date is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don’t want her to think. Single women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will your date think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking your date up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won’t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don’t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for your date, let your date walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Single women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
Compliment Her
The first thing to say to your date is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the colour of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A single woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask your date questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a single woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends.
There was a single man and single woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dries up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now single women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some single women prefer not to kiss after a date; others are disappointed if the single guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on dating her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don’t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.
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